Someone asked me how things were going with Frankie the other day. I actually get asked that about everyday. And things are going really, really good. And I normally follow the conversation up with the fact that I have so many people that are walking this journey and have a big support group so I am constantly learning through our personal daily life but also from others as they are on their own journey. I mean in January, everyone I knew in the process of adopting from Haiti were able to bring their kids home. Talk about a network of people to learn and grow with. Kristen from Rage Against the Minivan posted yesterday on “side stepping the drama”. Her son Kembe and Frankie spent 3 years growing up together. Reading her thoughts I totally get where she is coming from because I feel like I’m living in the same situation warp so to speak. It’s just really encouraging to know that I’m not alone in the challenges and struggles I face.
I’m not one that had lots of time to research attachment or other things before Frankie got here. I don’t have as much knowledge as other people on the matter and if anything have felt bad that I was so unprepared. But in an odd I think that my lack of knowledge has really helped me personally as Frankie and I have developed our own relationship. Knowledge is power and we need knowledge but my lack of that at times I think has allowed me in our personal situation to navigate through the waters a bit better emotionally to where Frankie and I really had to work out one on one the best way for him to feel secure and for me to not be totally frustrated at his own attempts to gain control. In the midst of it I had no idea that was what he was doing. If I did, I wonder if I would have handled it differently. I think I know I would have. Looking back is when I am getting those aha moments. I’m thankful that his personality was such that we made it through my unaware moments. That would not always be the case I’m guessing.
Kristen’s words of, “what Kembe really needs from me: this endless patience, compassion, and unconditional love.” hit home as those are Frankie’s top three needs from me as well. There are many days I fail at not being patient, not being compassionate enough to remember in quick moments that Frankie has not been here from day 1 with us and that he’s just been here 7 months and unconditional love when sometimes those moments hit of, “Frankie, what where you thinking?” There has been so much testing. And if you ask those that I confide in most they could tell you but won’t the many times I failed at showing those things to Frankie.
Adoption is a huge part of my day to day life. It’s been the most amazing thing to experience. I know Frankie is blessed to have us. BUT I can’t even with words describe the blessing that comes to you personally when you grow your family through adoption. We are the blessed ones. It’s not been easy. Life in general is not easy. It’s been far from a fairytale. BUT it has been one of the most amazing adventures in life I’ve ever taken and when in moments when Frankie does feel loved and secure and attached… I sit and look at him with true joy and can’t believe I am the one that gets to call him son.
Love this Kim! Every word of it is true…love you and will be praying for you all!
I know just what you mean about being kind of glad you didn’t have all the knowledge. I even felt that way with my bio babies – I had read so many books that it just made me overanalyze every little thing! I know I do that now. Sometimes I think it would be best if I just threw it all out the window and focused solely on displaying the fruits of the spirit to my kids, you know?
Love the last paragraph of this, too. Yes, it is such a blessing.