I fear death.  Not that I am scared of dying but that I want to keep living here and now.  But this reality hit me today.  This is as bad as it gets for me.  If you are a christ follower that is true for you as well.  I struggle with the hardships of life and why I was born in the US while others are born into circumstances out of their control that make life for them hell.  I have struggles I face everyday but I don’t face the injustices that so many others do like a lack of education, food, circumstances that come without control.  It seems so unfair. Especially injustices to children. It hits me at the core of my heart.

Do I believe God is sovereign?  Yes.  Do I believe we still have choice in life and we choose who we serve? Yes.  How that all works together I have no clue.

Death.  It’s something that all of us will face.  We all have an appointment with it.  In some ways I wish I knew when my appointment was just to know.  But it is for certain… it may be in my sleep at an old age, or from Cancer or from a tragic misstep.  But it is coming.

I want to not fear death so much that I don’t live.  Because I need to live and live hard and give… give so much more than I take.  There is too much to be done.  To much opportunity to give.  I fail at it miserably and there are days I feel as if I’m not doing anything.  But this heart of mine wants to do whatever it is that God wants me to do in this life.  To work so terribly hard while there is light.

Jesus says in John 9

1-2 Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?” 3-5Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines. When night falls, the workday is over. For as long as I am in the world, there is plenty of light. I am the world’s Light.”

So death, you can come when you want to, at my appointed time but until you find me I will be working hard to be doing something with what I have been given.  Given the greatest gift that one could ever have… and that is you Jesus.  He’s free to anyone who asks.