Blogging is therapy right? If that’s the case I’m in need of major therapy. There are about 3-4 times in the day where I stop and hit a thought process and think to myself… I need to blog about that. Not to inform the world but for my sake… to process it out. Right now I have so many things spinning that I can’t even begin to process it. Which means I get on bloglines each day and catch up on the people that I enjoy catching up on and leave my own story out there blank. I have not even had the umph to update my facebook status. Does this mean I’m depressed? Who knows. I think it means I have way too much crap/heartache/worries/feelings of change/tiredness/sickness/clean it out/enjoy the moment stuff going on. Make any sense at all. So for sake of getting all the blogs out… here is my word vomit for tonight… I’m only giving myself 10 minutes then I’m done.
We live in a messed up world. It’s ugly. It leaves no survivors unscathed. I’m fragile. My heart is broken over the time it’s going to take us to get Frankie home. Would not trade it but time… it’s a cruel thing sometimes. I’m tired. I have too many plates in the air. Feeling like I am committed too many places. It’s not a bad thing, maybe it’s good but at the end of the day I find I did not take a moment to breath. Want to keep pushing. Setting goals and meeting them. I have not run in 2 weeks. It was a good break. I’m ready to go and listen to music and just run. I’m sad for those who have been so effected by this economy. I watch people bust their ass and make little money and they are the ones who owe uncle Sam. Yes I said ass. I’d like to cuss more on my blog but don’t want to offend anyone. I don’t even consider Ass a cuss word so I guess that does not count. I saw a guy for the first time outside on the main road with a sign… I need work. I feel blessed I have a job but even in that I know change is coming. I think it will be good. Community… some people want it others don’t. Makes no sense to me either way. I just don’t want to do life alone. Dave and I were at Disney and I thought I wish we had others here to join our family to share in these fun times together. I’m a community girl. And yet I guard myself … I’m hard to get to know people tell me.. makes no sense to me. Talked to a high schooler the other day about Haiti. They said, “people really live that way?” I wanted to slap them. What has become of the next generation who have no clue about life. I’ve encountered more people this past month that are destroying their lives. Why? Why? Why? It’s amazing how bad choices can eat you alive and leave you a walking corpse. Change… I think it’s coming. I have no clue what that is or means but I can smell it in the air. Change is good, I need to work better at it. Kids. My kids rock. Seriously they do. I love being a mom and catching all the moments. Now I’m loosing the train of thoughts. I need things to be clean. I’m spring cleaning the house and it’s such therapy… told you this was a mumble of things. If your still with me, thanks for reading. I really desire to encourage other people with the simple fact of the story and journey of my daily life. Not sure I’m encouraging many anymore. Wish I was more creative. Wish I had time to be a world changer blogger. If I had time I would post pictures of my race, our trip to Disney, Frankie… I need to hold him again so bad. I just need to hold him. How do you fill that void? I never understood the reality of this process.
Yes, blogging is therapy and as you can see if I could afford it, I could probably hash out a few things.