It’s a Tuesday and for the first time in a LONG time I sit in a quiet house.  Dave is off in Dallas, my children have been dropped off at 3 different schools and I sit here as my feet are still a little sandy from an early walk on the beach and some time to “be” and “abide”.  I plan at some point to take a bike ride as well and continue to ponder.

It has been just about a year that we have lived here in our new little town.  The place my heart now calls home. I remember as if it was yesterday, selling most of our furniture and cleaning our home in prepping it for the next family that would be living in the place we dwelled for the last 7 years.  Feeling the grief of lost relationships and hard goodbyes of family.  Wondering why on earth I decided to leave most of our stuff with Dave saying he wished he left behind even more of it. But stepping in confidence that we were listening to HIS voice and following as we heard him whisper.  And I remember the point of looking in the car mirror.  You know how you do that from time to time.  But I remember that moment of taking the last glance at what was on the side reflection of the car and then choosing to look ahead into what I know would be.  A moment of honoring and celebrating the past but at the same time continuing to walk and take faith ground in the future.  It was not an either or for me but a both and…

It’s really hard for me to put into words what has happened over this past year for me personally.  I’ve been encouraged and challenged, I’ve seen amazing provision that only he could give and I’ve been asked to sacrifice in ways that only he can sustain. And it has played out like an amazing harmony on this steady playing beautiful note that is called my life.  Some days it can sound out of tune or a bit off beat but for the most part I continue to hear this beautiful song and melody that continues on in the sacrifice or the blessing that comes.

So having some time to reflect this morning and hearing his Voice call me back to blog and write today I felt compelled to share something with you that I have staked this past year on and have been processing a bit over the past 3 days.  You see, when we made this last move I came to personal decision.  I chose to embrace the voice of the Good Shepherd in that I recognized and confirmed that I knew what it was God was calling our family to in this next phase of our Family on Mission.  And then I think I did the next thing that has allowed me to walk in the most freedom ever.  I acknowledged and surrendered that  IT WOULD COST ME EVERYTHING.  So to state that even simpler…  “I know God has called me, and I know that it will cost me everything.”

I’m smiling a bit right now because when I articulate that to people, especially the it will cost me everything…people get REALLY uncomfortable and look at times as if I’m crazy.  And I get that.  No one likes to hear that something should or will have to cost you something or everything for that matter.  Our natural instinct is to avoid discomfort, loss, pain, sacrifice.  We live in a world that tells us on a daily and hourly basis that we should be entitled to things.  And people will literally tell me when I share that…But your kids?, But your family? But your time? But Dave traveling so much?  And I hear their concern in what they are saying.  But there are a few things I’ve learned in this process… In the It will cost you everything… there is the joy of the most amazing blessing that is balanced perfectly with the struggle of the hardest sacrifice that can only begin to be experienced in act of living into it.  And at the end of the day there is one thing you need to understand about me and what I am doing and daring to take possession of…

I’m a Warrior. 🙂 I’ve spent the past year and continue to prepare and orient myself first as a warrior.  And each day I wake up and recognize that I’m not just living another day of life but that I’m engaging in a battle.  I recognize that our King is near and that He wants to do Good things and He wants to Win.  So I take on each day putting on my armor, helping my family and children put on theirs and then head out to take  possession of his promises and take ground he has given us to take.  And he wants to Win and so do I. So everything I do is INTENTIONAL for battle.  From our family rhythms, to what I invest time, to how I handle and see Dave being gone, to how I process things happening, to even understanding my capacity… everything is filtered in light of the battle.

The War we are in.  And yes it’s a war.  There is a battle raging for your time, ability, competence, courage.  Many are battling wars of sickness, enemy attacks, bombs going off in our midst here and there.  But the WAR….It’s already been WON.  God is Good and He WINS.  And here is the thing I love about our King and the Kingdom we fight for…  It is HERE, as in now.  It is NEAR, as he will continue to break into our lives and speak to us and guide us in the battles.  It is COMING, one day all debts will be settled. And It’s DELAYED, as we wait we MUST fight and take possession of everything that has been promised to us.

And that is what I am trying to do each and every day.  Some days are massive breakthroughs.  Other days you can find me wounded on the field with my doubts.  Some days I sit in the amazing blessing and wonder and awe of His provision and care and other days the sacrifices I know he requires leave me wondering if I might have anything left to give. But at the end of the day for me, there is nothing more that I want to do with my life than submit and bring honor to the King and go after all that He has for me and our family while we are here on this earth.  Anything less than that would be a disappointment for me.

One last thing I wanted to leave with you as I was processing this, this week at the Sr Pastors retreat we had going on here in Pawleys.  When waging in a war, It’s those that decide before hand that something won’t stop them will win.  Those that find themselves dead already will always win.  I refuse to enter battle holding on to things in my hand.  I won’t be a casualty of this war because of that.  Which is why I always recognize daily that it’s all His, and daily I give it to him.  And if I one day I become a casualty in this war, it won’t be because I was not fighting or because I was holding anything back.

So maybe I was supposed to write this today to encourage you or maybe challenge you to ask yourself if there is anything you are holding on to that might be preventing you from having the breakthrough the King is wanting you to have?  And what would it look like to take a step in trying to release that from your grasp and see what He can do with it?

And just as I am teaching my kids this week this verse from Joshua 1:9

He will be with you wherever you go.