I had the worst run I”ve ever had today. It was awful. I’m running a half again in Greenville on Oct 31 and a few weeks ago I committed to a friend to train and do it. Today I’m wondering what the Bleep I was thinking. I have no clue why it was so hard. I’ve been doing my runs this week and today was my long run. The goal today was , 6 miles. The reality… 3 hard miles and walked it in. Not sure if it was the hunters that scared me on my route..(um, deer season is already here???) Something about men with guns and running a road through an open field did not sit really well… but that really had nothing to do with the miserable run. I seriously cried, yelled and then finally said I’m done. I can’t do it. And thus the walking began.
During my walking it in time I had a lot of time to think. Why was today so different? I will chalk it up to a bad run for sure and I think those days come just for no reason at all. But I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was doing it alone. The short runs… no big deal heading out on my own but the long ones… If I’m alone then a lot of who I am is just ready to quit when things get hard.
I think that is why I and Dave and I choose to do lots of things in our life with people. I mean sure we can do things on our own but where is the fun in that and to be honest I think we would quite half the time.
Adoption – It’s so dang hard. And I’m pissed it’s hard. And we have so much to be grateful for on this journey. We have friends… 2 families who started the adoption process through Haiti the same time we did. They still are not in the system and it makes me so mad. It seems so unfair. My heart breaks for them. It’s tough all around. I hate hearing stories of the long processes and hold ups but it’s sharing that journey that keeps us going. I don’t feel alone at all in this process. I’m so thankful for the people I get to watch and learn journey through all of this. The good and the bad… it keeps us going. It makes life richer. The run it doable because we don’t go at it alone
Ministry – Reflecting on our lives and our daily jobs… I’m so thankful we don’t have to go at it alone. If it were just Dave and I out there trying to pull off any part of what we do.. well I’m afraid we would have quit long ago and Wayfarer would have failed miserably. I can’t even begin to explain the joy it is to walk with people together through good times and through bad times… through ups and downs and transitions. To rub shoulders and give and sweat on mission together. … and cheer one on when they head down another road. It’s not often easy and It’s hard and many times I want to throw in the towel but then I get to look at other people in the face and see them believe in what we are doing and be determined and the hard times pass and I know we’ll make it and make impact. But the run it doable because we don’t go at it alone.
Life – It’s crazy how you’ll be going along and everything seems to fine and then without warning life throws you a curve ball and you feel like you just got taken out of the game. Life. It’s so rich and yet so complex. Life, People, Family, Values, Finances, Beliefs, Politics, Health, Friendships. Sometimes my head hurts just thinking of all the twists and turns things can take at any random time. I’ve wanted to give up many times on many things…. but once again, the run it doable because we don’t go at it alone. Just when I think I’m alone, I’m reminded that I’m not.
Next time I’ll be sure to avoid running alone on a long run. Could not be helped today… my partner in crime was out-of-pocket. But at least it was a good time for me today to reflect on the need of having people journey with me in life…. For me, it’s much needed. I don’t ever want to go at it alone.