Potholes.. I think I’m the only one hitting them in the road. Was thinking this morning how do I articulate what is going on? Everyone in our family is driving a car right now. We are on a fantastic road on an amazing road trip. Only problem is that the car I’m driving keeps hitting the pot holes and the car is taking a beating. Everyone else in this family seems to be cruising along just fine.
We celebrated my Nana’s 85 birthday Sunday and this was one of the family pictures..
Notice the 30+ year old in the back row who looks like she’s a dear caught in the headlights. Wow that was being brutally honest. I really think and know that I have way too high of expectations for myself. I know that. It does not always help when people keep pointing out how crazy life is for me right now. Our whole family already knows that. It just adds to the drama. I know I can be the queen of Drama. Dave sat laughing at me last night as I rambled on and on about the most random things. If I could give you a 36hr run down of the craziness of things that keep happening to me you may wonder why I look so good. On a high of my day yesterday, I was carrying my “work” files and all other important papers in my life right now in my crate. Went to open the car door. Had a cup of coffee I’m juggling since I always get accused of leaving my mugs all over the office. It’s half full. I place it in my work crate to get a free hand to open the door and just as the door opens it bumps me and coffee goes all over every important paper in my life right now. I don’t even respond. No emotions. It’s almost like I expected it! I lost my phone the other day. Looked everywhere. 5 hours later I find it in my purse. I looked in my purse for it at least 7X!
In the major potholes I keep hitting I do know I am really enjoying the road I’m on. It’s sort of an irony that is in play in my life right now. I just need to get with it like everyone else in my family who actually see’s the holes, and just easily drives around them. I’ve heard we are entering a new state here on this journey. I’ve heard they have just redone their roads. No potholes. That will be a welcomed change. Just 12 more miles t the state line!
Oh and not looking for sympathy here. I just once again want to be totally honest on this whole transition. It’s the most amazing thing to be part of but I’ve been blown away at how hard for me it’s been. To have such range of emotions… Total elation with deep struggles is a different road to walk. A beautiful hard road.
katie mize said:
I ONE HUNDRED% agree with you and sympathize with your emotions. Often i wonder, what the heck is wrong with me?!?
I TOTALLY get it (i think i say that a lot when I come over here!!)
So, here’s my latest blunder: I’m in charge of a baby shower (what was I thinking to over commit??) and the money collection. I “lose” 40 bucks. FORTY BUCKS. So, like an honest person I eat that forty bucks plus some on the group gift.
As I’m filling out the card and copying names off of the envelope that I was collecting money in, I realize that I had written two people down TWICE!!!
Do you know how much I fretted over that??? And with our budget being what it is, I really couldn’t EAT forty bucks but had to anyway….oh my. Where’s my brain???
So, we took back a 40 buck item. But either way, I felt like an idiot….and remember, that is just one of many loss of brain cell issues I’ve had lately.
I know it’s not “post partum” but surely, SURELY post adoption brain exists. I’m living proof.