My dad flew out from Greenville today to visit his dad, my grandfather in Upstate NY. He has not seen him in 5 years. I can’t remember how long it has been since I last saw him. I really don’t have a relationship with him. It’s kind of sad. He was there at my wedding 10 yrs ago and then I think I’ve just seen him a few times inbetween. I have no idea what went wrong in the grandfather/grandaughter relationship. I just know we’ve never really had one. So as I was thinking about him today I did have a few memories of him that I wanted to share. They are very random.

1. He always made me toast with honey on it when I was little.
2. In his cellar he had a magic 8 ball that you would shake and as questions too. For a young kid this was very facinating.
3. He always had wine in his cellar so I thought he was a bad man. Thanks mom and dad for instilling in me that wine was bad and that I was going to hell if I looked at it! Thank goodness we can laugh about that stuff now and that our family has been liberated from that aweful theology!
4. He lives on this big steep hill.
5. He gave me a valuable piece of art at one time.
6. He came to my high school, and college graduation.
7. He was at my wedding.

Isn’t it sad that this is all I have of memories of him. No relationship. I think that is why weekends like this weekend is so important to me. To have Emma go visit her Grandparents is something I want to make priority. I want her to know them as such. As her Gma and Gpa. I want her and Izzie to have a unique relationship with them that is all their own. I don’t want them to have fleeting memories with their grandparents.

Emma is on her way back from FL. She cried and did not want to leave. I am happy about that but sad too. I’ve missed her so and I hate that she did not want to come home. But I love that she is making memories with her Grandparents that will last for her lifetime. That she will know them.

Church was interesting today… Dave and Chad happened to speak and they used some illustrations about us wives.. and let’s just say I think it was the first time I was embarrassed about being talked about. It was the whole topic of giving grace which is a set up to talking about marriage relationships etc. Isn’t marriage the place where we see grace put in play the most? Well at least for me it is. I think I was in shock because if you don’t know me, then you would proabbly walk away from today thinking I’m a terrible person/wife. Dave did not mean to have it come across that way. He was just poking fun at relationships. I just think I was not in the mood today to hear it or to have our marriage put on such an open display with people I don’t know. I know I was totally over reacting but it just rubbed me wrong. I showed Dave grace today and had a good laugh about it.

Which lead me to think about knowing me. I had someone come up to me the other day who reads my blog and they went on to say how they loved reading my blogs because they feel like they know me when they don’t see me often. Yes, this is true, but I could not happen to think… you really don’t know me. Because I really can’t be honest and opened in my blogs. There is always a part of me that holds back on things because in the end I don’t want to affend anyone. A stranger or a friend. But I have a lot to say on a lot of things that I just normally know that I can’t share about. Do any of you who actually read this feel that way at times? And then I get in random moods like I am tonight and I want to go off at all the things I’ve wanted to say about a lot of things… And then I chill out and know there are people out there that I can probably count on one hand that truly do know me. That would never question a part of my lifestyle or things I would say because I make sense to them in teh big picture. Isn’t it good to be known. I am so thankful for those people in my life.

At the end of a day when things may seem a little out of the box for me I have one comfort. The Lord my father knows me. And for that reason alone, I don’t have to always explain everything in a blog even when I want to.